Pulled into this town in Arizona that looked like back to the future...Everything was fifties style

Id like to make note.....its October right now.......this town is on fire with the christmas spirit.......

I dont even remember the name of this place.......I kept expecting George Mcfly to jump out and eat shit

The outlaw Pinnochio Wales

Breakfast wise was a ten but id like to mention the dinner i had last night in this bonkers wee town......We went to some crazy diner where the family spoke little english....there was not one customer which at that point i shouldve ran but i kinda couldnt at that point .....the family were all over us...the dad spoke in a thick greek accent and jabbered on about the desert , aliens and new york.........it was fun then i got my dinner and it wasnt so fun anymore......i ordered spagetti and meat sauce......figured it was a safe bet right? Wrong.........

The Noodles were spagetti but the meat sauce was something ive never quite tasted before.......it was like armadillo roadkill with ketchup poured on it.......i have an iron stomach and can eat most foods....this was on another level........i forced each mouthful down ...chewing 50times and asking the waitress for about a 1000 waters......it made my eyes water......

I have no bloody clue what i ate.......i was so hungry and money was thin that i ate the whole plate.....im shivering just writing about this

One day i'm gonna read about some restuarant in the desert that tons of bodies were found in the walk-in fridge or a greek family on the highways scraping off deid animals

Breakie was way better.....i over heard the local sherriff yammerin away about some local crime stuff.......

These old codgers talked shit all morning........it ruled......same 5 bros probably been doing for 70 years

Back into the wild

Theres a huge crack in America called the grand canyon.........its really huge

Tracey Chapman was there wi her lesbro

Everythings much bigger in the U.S.A..........but this is rediculous

Open mouthed eejit..........

Your so high up than miles below you can see eagles soaring about........just not in this photo

AAAAAH YOOOO TAKA MAH PIICK-CHAAAH? sure dinae mind if i do

Mr and Mrs Slim Pickins

This place is on the giant side of things....This is what Home Depot are aiming for

I high fived earth for letting me hang out so long

Grand Mannyon

Then we saw this wolf cruising around......its probably a coyote but "wolf" has a better ring to it

I wanted him to come with us

He was so close........

Then he got bored of us and went off to hang wi Kevin Costner......

"Ello mum .....aye .....whats that ? yup ........still in America......i know i wish yous were here too...........!!!!"

"Whats that mum? i canny hear you.......nah im not in Newport.......im in the desert......huh.......what? speak up!!!!!......no no grand canyon ....aye its like a huge hole!!!!.........

This panoramic is too wide for my lap top too handle.......i hope on fancier versions it works

The Golden Girls were on tour

A huge chimmney to send smoke signals to bros out in the feild

Whats the difference between a raven and a crow?...............this isnae a joke either

Inside the Navahoe shire

Jess waitin on Santa comin

This was insane...this pic isnae that good........this fat american bloke was cruising around with this tiny hot chick all dolled up....high heels ...fake roundies.....the tiniest shorts and she spoke a language id never heard before......we watched them for ages ......she was miserable and he kept trying to take her picture.....it was really awkward.....she wasnie his daughter so we figured it was like a mail order bride.......like a tribe bride......rent a navahoe......or 1 800 navawhore........shite if i continue on this rant and arrow or a tomahawk is gonna come through the window next to me.......and im in brooklyn as i write this........

Anyways i tried to poach a photo of them being awkward but it was too tricky......i wandered about this couple the whole ride home

Speaking of arrows........these ones are fermenting in poison ...getting ready for me in nyc when i write shit about everyone

Nightmare catchers

Fuck im a dead man

"America land of the free".............not for me and the rest of the Indians!!!!

Weve been gone so long i dont know whether were driving or flying ...or asleep

Now i know im asleep...cos i dream of dinosaurs a bunch...............this was at 90 miles per hour......

Planes trains and dinosaurs!!!

I think this is New Mexico...........its page 45 on the atlas

Heading home

We stopped at a Casino in no-wheres-ville.......when i bumped into this gadgie.........in a shite hole gambling house in New Mexico i ran into a Scottish piper.......

We bro'd for ages and he invited us to his concert........he was so stoked to meet someone from Edinburgh in the middle of the desert but i canny help feeling he was bummed i was all tatted and had a dead racoon on my head.........i think he thought id be more Highlander.....

He Belted through a solo anyways to show how hyped he was

This is the rest of his band.......id like to add this is in some tiny room in the depths of a casino.......i guess backstage-ish

Drumwise.....

The whole thing blew my mind.........the band wanted to meet me like i was the real deal.....i felt i cheated them......ive become so American......

When they played the pipes i got incredibly sad and i thought of home and my family and friends........theres something so moving about the sound of the scottish pipes ..even if it is in the New Mexican desert......i fought tears in that room and im fighting them right now as i type.........i miss Scotland so much ......theres nothing id want more to do than take my american friends to where i grew up.........

Scotland is my home.........

One day i will return